thoughts and dreams

It feels like just yesterday I was first arriving in Thailand, choosing a place to live and figuring out how to survive driving on those roads. And now, here I am, thousands of miles away, both literally and metaphorically. Back home, watching the leaves fall and feeling the silence of the empty fields and sky, I have finally had the time and space to reflect.

It was a mix of exciting, scary, overwhelming, exhilarating, lonely, intense, fun and filled with experiences I will never forget. I was lucky to have been able to travel to so many places I’ve always wanted to go, from finally exploring Angkor Wat in Cambodia, to riding on the back of a motorbike through the busy streets of Ho Chi Minh City, to travelling by bullet train in Japan. I will never forget the views from the top of the rocks I climbed in Laos, swimming with sharks in the Maldives, or sliding down a sand dune in the Qatari desert. I was so lucky to have explored so much of Asia. And in Thailand itself- swimming in the sea at sunset, watching monks collect alms on my way to work, swinging between coconut trees, snorkelling with rainbow colored fish, kayaking to paradise beaches, watching elephants from my room… there have been so many beautiful moments and memories here.

And some of my favourite moments were those with the people I met. Laughing with my hairdresser and patting her chihuahua. The two guys who gave me a lift back to my hotel after a night ocean swim on the back of their motorbike. The people at the restaurants who knew what I’d always order- plain rice and watermelon smoothie. And the friends I met- our beach walks and hiding from thunderstorms under the tables of restaurants, getting our boat stuck in the lillies and going to hundreds of temples.

There have been plenty of scary moments too. Just getting on the road each day, to start with, leave alone trying to negotiate the millions of motorbikes and crazy drivers in a huge pick up. And then, the inevitable car accidents. There were the hair raising motor bike rides and running away from a pack of dogs. There was getting lost and getting sick, far away from home. Which leads me on to say, I was surprisingly lonely. Not always, but often. I felt the distance, and the time difference.

From crazy disco tuk tuks and rooftop bar Bangkok nights, to bargaining for bananas and google translating plain rice, to the quiet sunsets from my balcony and myna birds who chirped while I swam in the pool. To the elephants and the sweet dogs and puppies and the cat that slept on the end of my bed. To the storms I’ve watched and been soaked in, to the blazing hot, blue skied days. To the mosquito bites and the tears and the laughs and the oh-my-god moments. I’ve lived more than I ever have, in this past year and a half. And for better or worse, I’ve learned so much.

And for that alone, thank you, Thailand.

India… so bittersweet. Always has been, but never more so than this time. Important to go back, but so hard. It was all as I remembered it; the brilliant blue heat-hazy skies, the pressure cookers, the singing cars, the autos whizzing, cows crossing, Jessie, at the gate. The bats and the sunsets and the stars. The Bollywood music, the colour, the dust. The kites calling at midday, echoing in the hot air. The bougainvillea, the crickets, the heat of the afternoon. Grandma’s plants, the swing, the photos on the wall.

Only he was missing, his chair empty, the TV, silent.

We miss you, grandpa